My Surprise Package!

All along, I had tried to be a good girl. I knew I was not perfect but I did not know what I had done to offend someone to have ‘them’ wished on me! Perhaps, God was upset because I often failed to say my prayers before going to bed. Maybe. Just maybe or what else could it be! Or was it because I snapped at my kid sister for being too clumsy? This thinking was gradually giving me a headache. I was thinking of every conceivable thing that I not done properly.
This ‘them’ were two girls whom my company had newly recruited. As per company policy, they offered houses to top members of their staff or those who had done favours and worked for them or those who needed a place to stay and could afford it. I welcomed these new additions to the company warily. The last time some of my colleagues were laid off, I felt bereft because I was attached to them. I tried to make sure these ones did not worm their way into my heart but I should not have even thought that had I seen the future.
I hardly remembered them when one afternoon, a colleague in the housing department came up to my office and greeted me cheerily.
“Udeme o, Udeme o, Udeme o, U-de-me”, Clark sang in his singsong way.
I smile broadly. “Oh Clark, stop that!” I said half-heartedly. He had given me a signature song within the company that everyone knew me, whether or not I had met them. He came to my desk and I hugged him with my left arm while I continued to type with my right. This was one workmate I was fond of. We hardly ever quarrelled and the few times we did, he would come to me at the start of a new day bearing candy or chocolate or frozen strawberry ice cream to placate me even when it was me who needed to apologise. He always teased that my face looked stormy whenever I was upset and that a brewing storm had always scared him. What a comparison!
Still, he was funny and nice. “What brings you to my lair?” I teased him. He moved to one of the chairs lining my office and toyed with a coiled-spring cartoon character on my desk from his chair.
“How is your house? Hope you like the place now that you’ve adjusted?”
“I should know that it is only houses that interest you”, I sighed dramatically. “Do you have a better one for me? Of course I’ve adjusted and the environment is as quiet as befits a GRA.” Still, I typed looking up occasionally.
“I’ve news for you”, said Clark in a voice that made me stop typing to look up. He dropped the cartoon and stared at me.
“Okay, go on. I’m listening”, I intoned gravely. What could it be? I wondered. Maybe, he wanted me to leave the house. That should be it, I thought.
“You’re going to have new house mates”, he paused. “They move in tomorrow.”
“Clark! Is that why you almost scared my pants off! ” We began to laugh. He seemed to be holding back.
“I just think you won’t like them. I was afraid you would say no and continue paying for the whole apartment like you do. And right now, there’s no place that even has an inch of space that’s why I came to you.”
“No problem Clark. Give them a key and let’s see how they turn out.”
“Better than I expected”, he winked at me and stood up.
I typed a while and then I grew thoughtful. I asked myself all kinds of questions. Maybe I was looking for my once-upon-a-time flatmate who was of good breeding. She had been more than a flatmate to me and I had refused any others since she left. My eyes welled up as I remembered the day she told me she was resigning from the company. She had been my companion and friend. I sighed wistfully.
The next day came and when it was time to go home, I was so tired that I forgot about my new flatmates although it had been at the back of my mind all day. Now I wish I had gone to a friend’s house to spend the night! When I tried to unlock the door, I found it was slightly ajar and I pushed the door in. I saw a sea of clothes in the living room and the stench I perceived from their bathroom shamed my air freshener. Heh! I dashed to my bed room before they could see me and I leaned against my door panting heavily. I finally calmed and locked my door, stripped and took a cold shower.
I went into the kitchen much later to prepare a meal and I had to put on a smile as if I was happy to have ‘pig’ companions. My kitchen was a mess! I dished my food in a hurry and ran back into my sanctuary. I did not come out for the rest of the night even when they knocked. I did not want to be familiar with these grown adult women pigs! When I went into my kitchen in the morning to warm my food, the pot was empty and they did not even bother to wash my pot and the plates they ate with.
By weekend, I hosted cockroaches and I realised I had a big problem on my hands. There was bubble gum on my walls, sanitary towels on the floor in my living room, there were people living in my house that I didn’t know, their electric cooker was in the living room where they cooked along with pots and dirty plates and they had burnt a part of my sofa and ripped my fashion magazines with blades. My kitchen was devoid of any good thing, and since they had used up all my spices I refused to cook, the balcony off the kitchen was piled knee-high with dirt that they never emptied, and they never locked the door!
I took to wearing sunshades into the house and a nose mask and when they asked, I replied that I had sore eyes for sighting unbecoming things. These beautiful classy women who wore expensive perfumes were nothing more than dirty pigs that only looked fine on the outside. After all was said and done, I could not bear it any longer. I fasted for inspiration told them I needed the house for my intended groom. They were the worst kind of surprise!



  1. Hmmmmm, I know they were the worst room mates ever but I felt you’d have delved deeper into their characters, stated whether you were a male or female and given more room to your funny friend. Cos he seemed naughty .


    1. Had ȋ̝̊̅ delved deeper into their characters, it would have been more than a short story. All the readers needed to know was the side ȋ̝̊̅ was revealing which is ‘Dirt personified’.ȋ̝̊̅ mentioned @ the outset that ‘ȋ̝̊̅ had tried to be a good girl’ so that solves d gender issue+ ȋ̝̊̅ also stated that ȋ̝̊̅ needed the house for my intended groom!
      Thanks for your comments though. ȋ̝̊̅ appreciate. Pls keep coming back for more.


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