My Greed Haunts Me

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Things aren’t always as they appear.
Karma, the infamous virago with her creepy ominous persona has finally located me among the multitude of earth’s inhabitants she owes a vengeance, like it’s her business what happens between two mortals anyway. The time has finally come for me to have a taste of my own medicine and it definitely tastes far worse than Seven Keys or the tears of a banshee, or the bitter truth. The nastiest problem with karma is the unappeasable desire to turn back the hands of time and undo the undoable, to change a perception, or an action… or actions. For me it’s a combination of these. I made a mistake a long time ago. I just realized it and it hurts like hell.
It’s been about ten years but it seems like yesterday. I can remember the events so vividly and maybe that’s a bad thing, like when a repentant killer is haunted by lucid images of his victims. But the key word here is ‘repentant’, or in my case, regret. I try to live my life in such a way that no action would be so bad as to make me regret it later in life. But I can’t suppress the feeling for this one; no matter how hard I try, it’s glaring: we had met in high school, he was three classes ahead of me. He was sweet and fun and smart and his family was doing well financially. I couldn’t help falling for him. We were young and very much in love. I could see it in his eyes, the way he looked at me, the way he held me, how caring he always was towards me. Even when he was scolding me, it still had the silhouette of one who cared. I could see a future with him, a fairy tale marriage, four kids and a house with a white picket fence.
He was just fresh out of college and wanted to start his own business. I guess I was just used to the gifts and the special weekend treats from him and when it stopped because he had his cash tied up in an investment that wasn’t yielding anything short term, I got queasy; but that’s the least of my sins.
It’s quite simple, but silly anyway.
All my girlfriends had boyfriends that were doing well financially. They were constantly being ‘gifted’, with pretty clothes, shoes, perfumes; they were ‘top’ babes in the neighborhood and came with high maintenance tags on them. They were the wannabe ‘runs’ babes of society and they would drop a dude like a bad habit for a better offer on the spot. And that’s what I did next.
I fired my high school sweetheart on the street for a guy I had met a week before and who owned a Mercedes and had a flat and a well-paying job. I left my boyfriend hanging there, aghast, his fair face flushed, his heart crushed and I entered the Mercedes with my new-found lover. I saw my high-school sweetheart’s reflection on the side view mirror. It was all I could manage and that was the last time we were ever officially intimate.
Flash forward ten years.
I got married to the guy with the Mercedes and he continued driving the same Mercedes until it killed him last year with not much of an inheritance and four young mouths to feed. He had been laid off his job years back and had to take up odd jobs which eventually led to him developing a drinking habit, becoming abusive and sent him on a mad rave and drunken drive in his Mercedes the night he died.
On the other hand, my high school sweetheart became the CEO of a successful entertainment company, lives in his own house in the high class part of town and is married to someone that looks like a cut-out from a fashion magazine.
So you see where I am coming from and where I am now, and why my heart is heavy with depression and the headaches never seem to stop. It’s not quite because things didn’t relatively turn out as I had expected, it’s because things didn’t quite turn out as I expected because I had been so dumb. And I am reminded everyday of why I should have my name written on the world hall of fame for inanity; for leaving a piece of diamond that just needed a little patience for a chunk of speckled stone that had already run out of time. That’s enough anguish for one person. Karma finally got me, and I deserve it.

                        –ONOME FRANCIS

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4 comments

  1. Yes, Dami, I agree. Although the hurt can be terrible at first, we really have to move on and create space in our hearts for better memories. I’m glad you like it. Let’s do this again soon.

    Like

  2. Past decisions may come back to haunt us. But in as much as we don’t dwell on them, we have a chance of making our current decisions carefully after much thought. I love the thoughtfulness in this piece. Thanks friend.

    Like

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